


Time to Pretend

by Yuuyoiis



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Major spoilers for seven's route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-15 23:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8076511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuuyoiis/pseuds/Yuuyoiis
Summary: Truly he hates the resets, hates how he has to pretend he hasn’t sat through these conversations countless times. Hasn’t experienced all these different versions of the same conversation that always end up with the same conclusion anyways





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is not spoiler free, spoilers for seven's route only.

Happiness: The state of being happy.  


Happy: The feeling of showing pleasure or contentment.  


Feeling merry, cheerful, jovial, gleeful, carefree, delighted. Those were all synonyms to feeling happy or happiness, shit, even satisfied meant being happy at least to some amount and Choi Saeyoung can’t help but wonder if he’d ever use any of these words to describe the way he’s ever truly felt or were they merely words to describe the act he’s always managed to flawlessly pull off.  


__

The first time he had made the mistake of falling in love with her he hadn’t thought much of her really, the moment he first hacked into her phone to see exactly who had managed to enter Rika’s apartment he should’ve know that was his first mistake when he saw just how beautiful she was. It was at that moment his heart was instantly captured by her.  


The second mistake was getting to know her. As clichéd as it sounded he never knew anyone could make him feel that way, didn’t think anyone could ever understand him the way she did and it thrilled him knowing somewhere out there someone got it, someone understood him. He found himself constantly distracted from the thought of her couldn’t shake her from his thoughts and he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to. Because for once he actually felt happy.  
Instead of the aching pain or aloofness he felt about the passing days he looked forward to them to come as long as he got to talk with her got to hear her voice, her laugh, the teasing lilt of her voice as she played along with his pranks. Yes, he could finally feel this happiness as long as it was with her and he couldn’t help but crack a smile at this.  


His third mistake was letting himself be happy. He knew it was a weakness truly feeling happy, especially letting the source of his happiness come from someone he truly cared for, letting her be his source of happiness. He fooled himself that nothing would go wrong he had corrected every mistake he made.  


On the day he realized he was inputting her name rather than the code he was working on he had frozen in shock. “Fuck. Fuck.” He cursed as he broke out in a cold sweat, hands shaking as he quickly went through deleting every trace of her. How could he be so stupid? What if he hadn’t caught his mistake?  


‘Then she’d have been in danger.’ His thoughts whisper as more panic courses through him. She’d have been in danger because of him. “But I caught my mistake. I fixed it and I won’t allow it to happen again. I wouldn’t ever let her be in danger.” He speaks loudly with a shaky voice trying his best to reassure himself.  


He’s not entirely sure if he felt any reassurance after that.

His fourth mistake was that he was too late to save her. She was taken and he had let it happen had let her be put in danger. He wants to panic wants to drop everything to go a look for her, find whoever took her and save her. He needs to calm down he won’t be any help to her right now if he isn’t calm. With a shaky breath he puts down his supplies and gets to work after all he already has a clue on who’s behind this.  
He’s scrambling out of the computer chair before he even realizes what he’s doing. He doesn’t make in time to the bathroom to puke his guts out. He’s sobbing and laughing between his heaving because this couldn’t be real right? Those pictures…they had to be some fucking sick joke right?  
They weren’t.  


__

It was the night he received those pictures did he experience the first reset ever and if he was completely honest it was completely discombobulating to experience. And if you asked he’d admit it felt being in a car wreck, one second everything’s normal you’re sitting and jamming to your favorite song and then the next a scream is being torn from you as you lose control. Everything’s a blur of screeching tires and the sound of metal scraping against metal is all you and during this moment, during that fucked up moment where your hearts practically jumped out of your chest is when you see flashes of things here and there. Flashes of the most random things like if you ever gave Tom that sharpie back or some other random shit and then the next moment you see the ceiling of the hospital or you see nothing at all.  


And maybe that’s a weird fucking way of describing it but that’s how he feels cause one second he was still spewing vomit all over Rika’s living room floor and then the next he was sitting in front of his computer, legs spread out as he sits sprawled in his computer chair and rather than seeing the ceiling of a hospital he’s greeted by the screen of his phone opened to an all familiar group chat. He’s completely confused as to what’s going on, eyes widened as he scrambles to sit correctly in his chair hands tightly gripping onto his phone as a conversation he’s already sat through continues to go on.  


He pulls himself closer to his desk and with his anxiety welling up he glances at the date that blinks on the side of his computer. He breath catches when it he sees it. He tears his eyes away from the computer’s screen and turns his attention back to his cell phone and with baited breath he waits for her to enter the group chat.  


__

He had cried that night after he had got off the phone with V and went back to typing out his replies to the others…to her. And he can’t type correctly because he’s only typing with one hand his other wiping away the tears and snot that runs down his face because fuck she was here and she was safe and sound. He doesn’t know what the hell happened but he wasn’t going to complain not as long as she was unharmed.  


__

He had promised himself he wouldn’t make the same mistakes like he did the last time, would keep his distance and not fall in love with her again, wouldn’t put her danger he’d keep a closer eye on her this time through the CCTV. Every time he remembers those pictures he grits his teeth and plans to carry out that promise this time around.  
His first mistake this time around was lying to himself.

Everything was just like the last time, they joked and teased together, before he’d realize it he’d be dialing her number and before he could even think about hanging up she had picked up and he was there blurting out the first thing that came to mind and gods he swears his heart leapt out his chest every time she spoke.  


It’s one night that he receives a call from her does he realize he’s fallen helplessly in love with her once more and it’s after they’ve said they’re good byes does he sit in front of his computer and realizes that no, he wasn’t falling in love with her again he had never stopped loving her and he doesn’t think he ever really can.  


“It’s not that,” he whispers, “it’s that I don’t want to stop.”  


It’s happening again and it scares him. He has the chance to change what had once happened but he can’t help it, can’t help that once again he can’t focus on his work, can’t stop thinking about her and it causes him to worry more 

He’s stupid, he stupid, he’s so fucking stupid. How could he let this happen again? How could he have forgotten that this had happened? Forgotten all about the seventh day were everything had gone completely wrong. How didn’t he even realize someone had hacked into the special security system? How could he have allowed her to stay there in that apartment with that bomb there.  
Even before he realizes he’s done it, he has his cell phone in hand group chat opened and fingers typing furiously as he explains what’s going on promises he’ll be there soon to save her and this time he’ll get it right.  
He almost feels a bit guilty as he hears Vanderwood scream after him as he escapes from his garage but he’s promised to protect her and he doesn’t plan on breaking that promise again. 

His thoughts are completely scrambled, body frozen as he stares in horror at the face of his brother. His brother who turns out to be the hacker, the brother who Rika and V had promised to protect in his steed. For a moment those horrid pictures flash before his eyes, his stomach churning as he pushes the images from his mind. Reminds himself it didn’t happen, won’t happen again because this is different from the last time, he had made it in time had saved her from being taken.  


It’s when Saeran has fled from the threat of the bomb going off does he realize the situation he’s in, his brother was the hacker had somehow learned to hack and was now after him and simply because of that the rest of RFA was put into danger also, she was put into danger. His mind is set into a frenzy as he tries to think of ways he can fix this, how he can correct everything that was wrong, fix the mistakes he had made.  


‘It’s all my fault.’ He thinks he was the cause of all this, the cause of his brother’s grief, his fault for trusting Rika and V. He flinches at that suddenly feeling drained at the thought of the one man he’s trusted half his life to betray him this way. He wants to scream but he doesn’t really get the chance not when he’s suddenly tacked to the ground, her name slipping past his lips in a breathless gasp.  


He didn’t have the strength the push her away and truly he wouldn’t have even if he did, and as they laid there on Rika’s apartment floor he poured out his emotions, practically stripped himself bare as he told her how he truly felt told her of the helplessness he felt at the moment and she accepted all of him.  


He couldn’t love her any more than he already did when she said exactly what he felt. So without any second thoughts without any regrets they ran away together.  


__

He cries when he finds himself sitting with his legs spread as he sits sprawled in his computer chair his cell phone screen opened to an all familiar group chat.  


__

He’s always been told that the third times the charm and he had almost believed and that was truly the last and final mistake he was ever going to make.  
When he discovered that his brother was the hacker he couldn’t help but feel that he’s already known that, that he’s already experienced this but this time he won’t give into the defeat he feels not when Saeran needs him, his once sweet brother who he had left behind, the least that he can do is save him from the pain he must be feeling. And it wasn’t just Saeran he needed to save, she was in danger too, she’ll always be in danger as long as Saeran was after them.  


__

He loved her, he loved her, he loved her. This was a fact.  
He loved everything about her loved her from the top of her head to the tip of her toes and that’s something that will never change, something he’ll never want to change. He loved her even more when she accepted her him for who he truly was, when she promised to go and save Saeran with him. He was practically overflowing with love when they promised one another that once all this was over they’d start their family together. A happy family that included them and his brother and he couldn’t have asked for anything more.  


But even all this had happened, after they had made these promises with one another why was it that this was happened? Why had Saeran tricked them? Why had he put her in danger once more?  
He’s holding back tears now as he begs for him to be taken instead, for Saeran to let her go to not hurt her and finally he cracks spewing venom as his panic suddenly turns to anger. He threatens his brother with a heavy heart but he means every word he says and he can’t help but feel relief when Saeran finally agrees to set her free.  


He can’t help but cry as he hears her shrieking his name as she’s dragged away from him, dragged towards her freedom as he loses his.  


__

He hates the resets. Hates how at the start of every reset it’s time to pretend, pretend he hasn’t sat through these conversations countless times. Hasn’t experienced all these different versions of the same conversation that always end up with the same conclusion anyways.  


He leans back into his computer chair completely exhausted after forcing himself to work after he had left the group chat. It was only the first day and he already dreaded the outcome that’ll happen. Dread having to see her falling in love with someone other than him. It was always a shock having to witness it over and over again. When it had first happened he had felt completely relieved, relieved because finally, finally she would be safe. She could live a happy and normal life with the person she loved.  


With the person she loved. That had stung at first because that had used to be him, he doesn’t remember a lot and he blames that on all the resets he’s been through his memories completely scrambled from the different time lines he’s encountered.  
The only thing that truly stays consistent throughout every reset is his love for her no matter how hard he tries to bury it and he hates himself for it.  


__

It happens during one of Jumin’s turns does he completely break down. He’s dropped Yoosung off and he’s holding back tears even after he’s entered his house. How many times has this happened? How many times has he come face to face with his brother like this? How many times did he have to re-live this pain?  


Who knows how many resets he’s been through, how many resets he had been through before he started realizing that the resets even happened. How many times did he have to receive this feeling of betrayal from V? When will this never ending hell finally end? How many more times did he have to go through this?  


It’s after he’s left the group chat for final time that day does he try once more to call V, his confusion and frustration growing more and more on why the other man refuses to answer his calls, why V’s avoiding him at such a crucial time. He curses when he’s sent straight to voicemail once more. He slams his phone down against his desk wincing and silently praying he hadn’t cracked the screen.  
He doesn’t bother to pick it up and check though because he knows if he has the phone in his hands once more he’d only continue to call V.

He’s an idiot he thinks as he cries into the crook of his arm as his eyes stayed glued to the screen of his computer as he continues to read over the broken code.  
“I’m sorry,” He croaks out. “I’m sorry we couldn’t get married at the space station. I’m so sorry, my love.” 

He’s still crying even when his phone starts to ring and when he sees her name flashing on the screen he doesn’t hesitate to answer. He can’t bring himself to ignore her not when he’s been longing to hear her voice but as soon as she speaks and can’t help the sob that leaves his lips that’s he desperately tries to turn into laughter. He can tell is doesn’t work once she asks if he’s okay.  


He wants to lie but he can’t, he could never lie to her.  


“No…I’m not...” he cuts himself off to force out laughter to stop himself from sobbing, “but you don’t care about me…”  


“You only care about Jumin…”  


__

Truly he hates the resets, hates how he has to pretend he hasn’t sat through these conversations countless times. Hasn’t experienced all these different versions of the same conversation that always end up with the same conclusion anyways. But he finds himself truly wondering if he really hates them. Are they really that bad? Everyone is safe and happy and really that’s all he’s ever wanted. His own happiness didn’t really matter. And as long as she was happy then he can endure the resets for eternity if he has to.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I have a head canon that seven can barely remember anything about past time lines/resets since he's always surprised that it's Saeran and all that and the whole bomb thing always happens so yeah. 
> 
> Usually the stories I write are inspired by a song I had playing on repeat and honestly 'Time to Pretend' by MGMT reminded me of Seven a bit.   
> But anyways I hope ya'll enjoy!!


End file.
